I'm a little nervous about the trip. I will be very far from my caregivers, my family doctor and the staff at the René Huguenin cancer treatment center. Yes, there are centers like this one in North America but, hey, I don't know them and they don't know me. Just to be on the safe side I asked my local pharmacy in Versailles to give me a good supply of my cancer medication - don't think I want to try and purchase it over there, especially in the US.
I'm also very aware that I'm not quite 100%. I still have trouble sleeping and I'm tired a lot of the time. Sometimes the meds make me feel wretched and, ever since I stopped the chemo, I've had really bad joint pain. I don't want to make too much of it (for a taste of what it's like for some see this post by Scorchy) but it's enough to make me wonder how this trip will go and if I'm really up to it.
Two things have brought me this far in my healing. The first is writing. I'm often asked where I find the energy to post (in three places now), read, and comment. Well, it's something I truly enjoy. In fact when I sit down and start typing I get into what has been called "flow". The aches, pains and nausea disappear or greatly diminish. Most importantly, I get out of my own head. This means that I stop focusing on my problems and start taking an interest in other people and their/our issues. It's a way out from the tyranny of self.
The other is gardening. It's the perfect activity for healing because I can do a little at a time, there's no deadline to meet and nothing to stress over. When I get tired, I just go inside and....write. :-) Or lie on the couch and read really good bodice-rippers and paranormal romance novels.
In gardening there is all the satisfaction of seeing something come alive and having it be appreciated by my neighbors. "C'est magnifique!" said my Italian neighbor and that means a lot coming from him since he comes from a line of accomplished gardeners and knows personally the director of the gardens over at the Versailles castle.
And that leads me to my last worry: What will happen to my garden when I'm abroad? My spouse has promised to faithfully water every single day. I believe him but will he notice that the young fig needs a little extra care? Or that he should cut the old blossoms of the roses? Or put out a little slug bait to kill the escargots that are causing devastation to the hostas? I know I need to let it go and trust that it will be alright. Another lesson in surrender. Another opportunity to live in the present and not in the wreckage of the future.
May you all have a good weekend and I'll leave you with the latest pictures of the Flophouse garden.
|Back perennial bed
|View from the back porch