tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post8849816601361172697..comments2023-09-23T11:16:00.352+02:00Comments on The Franco-American Flophouse has moved: Bi-cultural Families: The Culture WarsVictoria FERAUGEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16319699673885400472noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-43084160587901490732013-06-13T20:23:27.438+02:002013-06-13T20:23:27.438+02:00@Victoria
"Have you ever read Evidences Invi...@Victoria<br /><br />"Have you ever read Evidences Invisibles by Raymonde Carroll?"<br /><br />No. It looks interesting. Putting it on my list.Christophenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-22427934166636706912013-06-09T10:14:24.644+02:002013-06-09T10:14:24.644+02:00@Blaze, Took them awhile to appreciate it. :-) W...@Blaze, Took them awhile to appreciate it. :-) When they were little I was the meanest mom in the world because I wouldn't let them read Harry Potter in French. I wish the same. If my great-grandmother had taught French to my grandmother and my mom and if they had encouraged it, it would have been REALLY useful given where I ended up.<br /><br />@Helene, I do remember you. I hope you're well. When we are in the US, it's animal crackers and Reese's peanut butter cups. I wouldn't mind so much if these things came in small packages but everything in the States seems to be supersized.<br /><br />@Ellen, Very interesting. We almost went that route too. The Frenchlings were starting to answer my English with French and I needed better language skills for work. <br /><br />It may still be a gift, Ellen. It ain't over 'til it's over, right?<br /><br />@Christophe, Sorry it took me so long to post your comment. We had glorious weather at the end of last week and I was in the garden.<br /><br />I hear you about the price of international school. Imagine out delight when the younger Frenchling found a French public high school with an international curriculum. <br /><br />Oh yes, the child-rearing differences. Have you ever read Evidences Invisibles by Raymonde Carroll? I wrote a post about it here http://thefranco-americanflophouse.blogspot.fr/2011/07/analyzing-webs-of-significance.html. She has an entire chapter on "Parents-Enfants". Really interesting.<br /><br />@Andrew, Yes, it usually works out. But taking the long view, I'm not sure we can guarantee that "main" identity. I think of identity as fluid - a bi-cultural child may be more French than German but that can flip and in later years the adult may become more German than French. See what I mean?Victoria FERAUGEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16319699673885400472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-5230704835393608352013-06-07T16:16:00.930+02:002013-06-07T16:16:00.930+02:00I think in the end for many families, it all works...I think in the end for many families, it all works out. Our kids when they were young and in their early teens were worried about being different; as young adults, they enjoy their Persian heritage from their Mother, to the extent of sometimes speaking to her in Persian in front of their friends. Better not to force it but make it present in their lives, and likely it will be part of their identity (but understandably less strong than their main identity).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-46460078744251423992013-06-07T15:25:37.471+02:002013-06-07T15:25:37.471+02:00Hi Victoria,
I am amazed how you turned my commen...Hi Victoria,<br /><br />I am amazed how you turned my comment in a great post. You are talented!<br />The term culture war is interesting... and strong. I don't know if I'd call it a war. Yes, I feel outclassed and outnumbered :-)<br />AS you said, it's a battle to pass on culture and language. The language part being the most difficult. I always talk to my kids in French. They understand everything, but struggle to answer back in French. The younger one is especially funny... and smart. When I tell him "dis le en Francais". He answers back "En Francais!" (he's 3)<br />It would be easier if the teaching environment was in French. We considered the international school, but it's really out of reach: $12,000 per kid per year! Who can afford that, except maybe expats working for big companies, where that might be part of their benefits.<br />Where I see a difference in culture is the way they raise children here, compared to what I was used to in France. It seems that American parents are not as strict, and that's where we sometimes disagree with my wife. She let them do stuff that would be off limits in a French household. She encourages independence which is not necessary bad, but I think there should be some limits. But by letting them try things they're too young to try, they mess up a lot of things!<br />My parents call it "la culture de L'Enfant roi". I wouldn't go that far, but I can certainly see the difference between how my kids are raised and how my sister raises hers.<br /><br />I guess, living in the US, we really haven't felt discrimination of derogatory remarks from the teachers or anyone else regarding my speaking French to them, even in public. It seems there is still more acceptance about that in the US than in Europe. I like that. There are so many people speaking other languages in my area (Spanish and Mandarin), that it's not a problem, and my kids are not at the age yet where they make comments on my accent or grammar mistakes :-) unlike my intern at work. I was actually a little embarrassed the other day, when he sometimes mixes up words I say, when people tell me I don't have a strong accent :-)<br />I can't wait till my kids grow up and can enjoy more the trips to France and see that as opportunities and feel fortunate they have the chance to do that.<br />I hope my parents will still be in shape to host them when they'll be in age of travelling by themselves!<br /><br />Great post. Thanks again for turning my comment in such a piece.<br /><br />Take care!Christophenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-71448174019900901722013-06-07T09:30:12.526+02:002013-06-07T09:30:12.526+02:00Couldn't be more true. We ended up being a Fre...Couldn't be more true. We ended up being a French-speaking household. Then, my folks supplied us with a US tv and vcr (cheaper than buying a tri-standard vcr, here) and my dad taped lots of PBS (Sesame St. Reading Rainbow, Mr. Roger's) and sent us the tapes. We took as many vacations as we could in the States, and three of the kids got to attend summer camp. <br />And in the end, they are happy being Americans and even want to pass it on to their children. <br />But you know how I've come to consider that citizenship a burden more than a gift.Ellen Lebellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01929639076042070115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-35743979731573304142013-06-06T19:16:48.966+02:002013-06-06T19:16:48.966+02:00Hi Victoria!
I don't know if you will remember...Hi Victoria!<br />I don't know if you will remember me, I sent you an email once about taxes for Americans living abroad. Anyway, I can totally relate to what you are talking about, as I find it very difficult sometimes to impose one's culture in a country that does not share the same (I'm French, my husband is Haitian, and we live in the US with two kids, 5 and 1). WHen my son asks me to buy him fruit roll-ups (horrible) because his friends eat that at school, I want to kill myself. But I buy it, and give it very very rarely. Oh well... Very interesting post, as usual :-). HélèneHelenBostonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2424131704277823220.post-1309309996531258902013-06-06T15:44:19.016+02:002013-06-06T15:44:19.016+02:00Victoria, you have given your daughters a phenomen...Victoria, you have given your daughters a phenomenal gift.<br /><br />I always wished I had learned more about my Swedish, German and Irish heritage from my grandparents and great-grandparents. They did what most immigrants did. They adapted to the American melting pot lifestyle.<br /><br />A former colleague and her husband are from Chile. They spoke Spanish at home, sent their children to French immersion schools and the kids spoke English in the community and with their friends.<br /><br />When their son and daughter were teens, they rebelled and refused to speak Spanish at home. The parents accepted that, but spoke to them sometimes in Spanish and sometimes in English.<br /><br />Now that the son and daughter are fluently trilingual (much more or a rarity in Canada than in Europe) young adults and see how many doors it opens to them, they appreciate their parents' determination.Blazehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12871285356307431578noreply@blogger.com